Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts

Monday, October 12, 2015

Machismo and Catcalls in Peru

Although some men and even women may consider catcalls and piropos (come-ons) to be compliments, many more would disagree. It's sexual harassment and sadly a big part of Latin culture. Here's a video showing why this is not ok.



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Saturday, July 12, 2014

3 Reasons Why Peruvians Prefer Not to Get Married

Many people ask me about whether they should marry their Peruvian boyfriend or girlfriend and what documents are required to get married in Peru. Marriage seems to be getting less popular these days. Not only in Peru, but worldwide. Here are three reasons why I believe Peruvians would rather have parejas (partners) than get married. There are a lot of hoops you'll have to jump through if you want to get a divorce in Peru.

Peruvians aren't as Catholic as they think they are
From www.chattycatholics.blogspot.com
Despite the fact that most Peruvians perceive themselves as being Catholic, I just don't see this as being true. I, personally, would refer to them as lapsed Catholics, meaning that they'd probably only attend church for weddings, funerals, Easter, and Christmas. While I don't think that you have to go to church to be religious, I also don't see them practice what they're preaching.

Catholicism does not allow living together before marriage (ie living in sin) or having children out of wedlock (ie illegitimate children) and many Peruvians do both of these things.

Despite the number of times I see it I'll always find it a bit disturbing to see people shouting or arguing on the bus, pass a church, and frantically cross themselves many times over, and then go back to shouting or arguing. It's almost a superstition rather than a religion in my opinion.

Divorce is painful
People get divorced for different reasons, some people fall out of love, others realise they are more different than they thought, others were taken advantage of by bricheros or bricheras.  Going to marry a Peruvian? Make an effort to learn about the culture and the language.

Despite being common, divorce isn't easy; few divorces are truly amicable. Divorce tends to bring out the worst in people even with spouses who get along, but just don't love each other anymore. People fight about money, children, material goods, retirement portfolios, and even friends. Skeletons come out of the closet and the people become very bitter as divorce drags on.
From millennialinflux.com

Peru's becoming more liberal
Along with many countries around the world, things that were once taboo, such as living together before marriage, having sex before marriage, having kids outside of marriage, gay rights, abortion, and so on, are not only accepted, but people who disagree with these topics are often perceived as being old-fashioned or backwards.

Look at the picture on the right. Well 38% of people surveyed think it's a bad thing to live together, 50% don't think it matters at all and 10% actually think it's good. The people who think it's bad are in the minority and that number's just going to decrease in the future as people become more forward minded.



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Monday, May 12, 2014

TEFL in China vs TEFL in Peru

From blog.simplek12.com
One of the most common questions I get asked about Peru (in addition to marriage, divorce, and visa info) is what it's like to teach English there. Many people know what it's like to teach English in China, so I thought I'd compare TEFLing (not international schools) in Peru and China.

Here is a basic summary of what it's like to TEFL in both countries. 



China
Peru
Salary About $1000-$1600 a month.
Jobs in the south and big cities pay more but may not include accommodation.
About $700-$1500 a month. Hourly pay is usually about $10 an hour. Institutes usually pay hourly.                            
Flights Included. You usually get half of your flight paid for after six months and the other half at the end of your contract. Usually not included.
Accommodation Usually included or a stipend is given. Usually not included.
Visa Legally you should get a Z (work) visa, though some places will have you work on an f (business) visa or an L (tourist visa). Most places will not get you a visa and will either hire people who already have visas or people on tourist visas.
Types of jobs Kindergarten, institute, and university jobs are the most common. Most jobs are at institutes. Universities do hire native English speakers, but few will go through the trouble to get work visas.
Contracts 12 months for kindergartens and institutes. 10 months for universities with some universities paying you during the two month vacation if you renew your contract with them. 12 month contracts are the norm, though if you're on a tourist visa you might not sign a contract at all.
Extra work The British Council often looks for IELTS examiners. You can also find private students. Many teachers work at a couple different places as well as teach private students.


If you're looking for more info about TEFLing, you can find a lot of articles about teaching in China and teaching in Peru at TEFL Tips. If you decide to go to Peru, you should start learning the language. Knowing Spanish will help you assimilate to the culture and you'll be able to communicate easier.



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Saturday, February 22, 2014

Reader Request: Beware of Bricheros and Bricheras

Last year I wrote a post, Think Carefully Before Marrying a Peruvian,which quickly became one of the most popular posts of this blog (as are the posts about getting married and getting divorced).  I got a number of comments as well as emails from people asking for advice or just telling me their story.

For the record, I did meet a guy in Peru who I ended up marrying. I also struggled with being accepted by his friends and families due to some of the stereotypes surrounding foreigners who date Peruvians. He, in turn, fought against my friends thinking he was a brichero. However, we overcame that and after a while I got the paperwork together and we tied the knot in Piura. We both had stereotypes to work against. People thought I was with him because he was a "Latin lover" and people thought he was with me because I was his ticket out of Peru. Unfortunately, my marriage ended after nearly 8 years. Here's what I had to do to get a divorce in Peru.

From scenicreflections.com
How Stereotyping Works
It is my belief that stereotypes come about due to actual events that people hear about. For example, let's say that there's a country called Overthere. This country has a population of 1 million people and of these 1 million, 100,000 leave Overthere and travel around the world. While travelling around the world these Overthere-ians meet other people and they're always happy and smiling and telling people how wonderful Overthere is. So now let's generalise, or make a stereotype about Overthere. We're going to say that all Overthere-ians are happy because the Overthere-ians we had contact with were happy.

Got it? We had contact with a minority (10%) but we made a generalisation, or stereotype, about them as a whole. However, this works to their advantage, since they have a positive stereotype about them. Let's look at another example.

Our next example has to do with another made up country called Faraway. It's a small country with only about 100,000 people. Of these, 100 leave Faraway and travel around the world. While travelling, these Faraway-ians meet other people and are absolutely horrible. They bitch and moan about everything, are rude to people, as well as being loud, obnoxious and boisterious. Once again, we're going to create a stereotype about Faraway-ians and say that all Faraway-ians are downright rude, horrible people to be around. We created this stereotype based on a very small minority of the population, only 1%.

What does this mean? This means that even if the other 90% of Overthere-ians are horrible people, when people talk about Overthere-ians we will assume that they are nice people since the 10% of the Overthere-ians who left Overthere were nice. However, since 1% of the population of Faraway came across as rude, horrible people, we will assume that the other 99% of the population of Faraway is the same. As you can see, a small percentage of the population can make it or break it for everyone else.

What exactly IS a brichero or a brichera?
The word "brichero" is used for a man and "brichera" is used for a woman. Like the word "cholo / chola", it's slang that usually has a negative connotation. Some people say it's a Spanglish word that comes from the English word, "bridge". It refers to a person who targets foreigners and tries to make them fall in love so that they (the foreigners) serve as a bridge out of Peru. Other people say it's more sexual and comes from the word britches and insinuates that they're trying to get into your pants. Either way, foreign tourists are being targeted by these "busca gringos/as". They are out to cazar (hunt) and/or casar (marry). They might try to take you to bed, steal your money, plant drugs on you, use you for a visa, or get you to buy them things.

Bricheros usually go for English speaking foreigners (such as those from the US, Canada, the UK, Ireland, Australia, South Africa, and New Zealand) and Europeans, usually British, French, Italian, or Spanish. They're trying to step up and move away from Peru. They don't often go for Asians or Africans for a couple of reasons. First, there are not that many tourists from these places as there are from places like the US or the UK. Second, these tourists tend to travel together in packs (ever seen a group of Japanese tourists?). Thrid, Peruvians aren't as familiar with these countries as they are with others. Lastly, Peruvians (like other people who immigrate) want to go to a place where they can find other Peruvians.

People think of bricheros and bricheras as people who don't have that much money and want a chance to make it in another country. They come across as Latin lovers or casanovas. In Peru, they often stick to touristy areas such as La Plaza de Armas in Cusco, the ombligo (bellybutton) of the world. They also have a decent grasp on English or another foreign language. Not sure how to find out? They stick out. Have a blond woman stand in the middle of the plaza and watch to see who approaches her. They're good-looking and suave. They come across very well, but they have hidden motives.

Blend in for your safety and peace of mind
As a foreigner, you may or may stick out. Physically, there's little you can do. If you're tall and blond, you're going to stick out. However, you can modify the clothes you wear, how you act, what you do, and what you say. Blending in while travelling abroad will also help make you less of a target for pickpockets and thieves. One tip to remember is that speaking Spanish will help you greatly. You can  refuse to tell them where your from or get the police involved if necessary. If you don't know Spanish, now's the time to learn. It'll help you assimilate to the culture, and you'll be able to communicate easier. If you're looking to learn Spanish Rosetta Stone allows you to learn at your own pace.

More info on bricheros:




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Monday, September 17, 2012

Reader Request: Think Carefully Before Marrying a Peruvian

Updated 4 October 2017

Got your attention, didn't I? I was thinking about making "Think Carefully Before Getting Married" the title, but since my blog is about Peru, I figured I'd tweak it a bit. I'm not saying that you shouldn't marry a Peruvian, but what I'm saying is that marrying a foreigner can be more difficult than marrying someone from the same country or culture. Also, dating someone is vastly different than marriage. Americans marrying Americans have usually been brought up similarly and can relate to many of the same things. Americans marrying Brits might have some difficulties, but their background is often the same. However, Americans marrying Peruvians often have many difficulties that they encounter. My marriage ended after nearly 8 years. Here's what I had to do to get a divorce in Peru.

Love is blind (deaf, dumb, and stupid) and everyone knows that, but it doesn't stop us from jumping in. Try to learn Spanish. The Rosetta Stone is amazing and you can learn at your own pace. Don't forget to read up on Peruvian culture, it will help you understand more about Peru and its people, including your in-laws.

Online love
With the internet, more and more people are marrying people they met online. While it's good in one way since the focus is getting to know each other mentally rather than physically, I also think it's really romanticised and people get married too quickly.

A bit of help please
I get countless emails from foreigners, mainly from the US and the UK, but other countries as well, such as Canada, Germany, etc, asking me what docs they need to marry their Peruvian sweetheart. I wrote the post how to get married in Peru in order to help people out. I also get lots of emails asking me how to divorce a Peruvian because things didn't go according to plan, they felt like they had been used for visas or money, or cheating occurred.

Pedal to the metal
More often than not these couples have known each other for less than 2 years. Sometimes the foreigner wants to live in Peru and sometimes they ask me about visa info to go back home. More often than not when the foreigner wants to live in Peru, it's "forever".

I'm going to live in Peru forever
I can't help but smile and shake when I see that a foreigner wants to live in Peru forever. It's got nothing to do with Peru itself, but living in a foreign country forever is the hard part to understand. Many times these people have only spent a week or so in Peru on vacation and have never lived outside their own country. They don't speak Spanish and their plan is to teach English. While I myself am an English teacher and blog about it at TEFL Tips, I will admit that it's not easy. Especially in Peru. Older people have a tougher time than younger people. They're leaving their careers, benefits, and decent salaries behind.
  • Jobs: Teaching English doesn't pay that well and there are minimal benefits. You often have split schedules and have to cater to people who don't want to study, yet think that you hold the secret to teaching them English. There are other jobs available, but Peru isn't known for its high salaries. Expats get great packages, but if you're already in Peru when you're hired, you're often given a local contract which means you can kiss those high salaries, benefits, and perks out the door. If you want to work in a Peruvian company you'll probably have to learn Spanish and you're going to need a higher level of Spanish than being able to ask "how much is this?" and "where's the bathroom?"
  • Cost of living: While many people are thinking, "but the cost of living in Peru is so much cheaper," I know that this is partly true. If you want to live like a local then the cost is cheaper, but other things are more expensive. We rent out our apartment in Surco. It's a walk-up on the 4th floor with rattly windows, no heat, no insulation, a minimal kitchen, two baths (but one's outside and doesn't work) and very poorly laid out. While it has 80 m2, it's unfurnished and has no parking space. We rent it for $400. That's a lot of money in Peru where the average salary is about $500 a month. Most English teachers are earning about $10 an hour (if that, which comes out to about $800 a month). Whereas in the US you'd pay about double that ($800), but have a much nicer place. In Peru a higher percentage of your income tends to go towards housing. Transport is cheap in Peru, if you want to take combis. I did for years and they took forever, stopped at green lights, went at red, were driven by maniacs with dirty fingernails, had people crouching down in mini-vans, fighting over fares, bribing police officers, making me angry and stressed out. Many expats drive or take taxis due to this. Electronics are much more expensive in Peru. The good news is that food and household help is pretty cheap. You can live pretty well in Peru. You will have to budget if you want to save or travel. If you're in Lima, here are a bunch of tips written by expats to help you out.
  • Other concerns: If you're going to have kids, education is another concern. Public schools are appalling and private education usually starts around $10,000 a year. Some of the better schools run as much as $25,000.

Taking my Peruvian sweetheart back home
Just as you'd have problems living in a foreign country, your spouse-to-be will also run into problems. Many Peruvians miss their families much more than we miss ours. Getting things done can be harder. Peru is a country of flexibility. Laws are grey, not black and white. Emphasis is put on helping people out, doing favours, and bending the rules. Time is another issue as it is rigid abroad whereas in Peru you have "hora Peruana" and "hora Inglesa" and most Peruvians prefer the former.

Hindsight is 20/20
Flexibility seems to be the key in Peru and marriage is no exception. Many Peruvians have parejas rather than spouses and having children out of wedlock seems more excepted, which is odd since Peru is such a Catholic country. Despite this, divorce is also very common. The only legal marriage takes place at city hall; church weddings aren't legal.

Unfortunately, many divorced foreign wives that I know ended up divorcing due to their cheating Peruvian husband. While it may be more accepted in Peru or people turn a blind eye, that's usually the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Think before you leap
I'm not saying that you shouldn't marry a Peruvian. What I am saying is that I think many people get blinded by the fact that they're going to marry a foreigner. They tend to think less and move more quickly than if they were with someone of the same nationality. When really, the opposite should be true. If you're going to marry a foreigner, you need to think twice as hard as you would if you were marrying someone from the same country as you.

I know plenty of happily married Peruvian-foreign couples. I also know plenty of happily divorced (and bitterly divorced) Peruvian-foreign couples. Marriage is a decision that will affect you the rest of your life, so give it some thought and time before you jump in. 




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Monday, August 11, 2008

Dating / Advice for Women in Peru

Updated 19 October 2017

The best dating advice I can give you is to say that the majority of Peruvians are fine to date and there are no problems (except for the normal ones that every couples have). However, please be careful since foreigners may be looked upon as conquests. Unfortunately, there are also “busca-gringos” and “busca-gringas” which basically means that they are looking for a ticket and visa out of the country. Some Peruvians are like this, but the majority aren’t.

Speaking Spanish will help you greatly. You'll be treated differently than if you speak English all the time, it'll help you assimilate, and you'll be able to communicate easier with your partner.

I’m happily married to a Peruvian, yet we have had to deal with the stereotypes. According to stereotypes, foreigners are with Peruvians for sex and Peruvians are with foreigners to get out of Peru. (Edited: I happily divorced my Peruvian husband. No sense staying with a liar and a cheat. I wrote this post about thinking carefully before marrying a Peruvian about a year after finding out about his double life.)

If you want privacy, most couples go to hotels. There is no stigma about this. It's just that most people live with their extended family and it's considered impolite to stay at home when you're looking for privacy.

As Peru is a bit of a chauvinist country, women are used to sell everything and many women here accept it. Scantily-clad women are used to sell anything from beer to car parts. Therefore men think that they have the right to whistle or say things to you on the streets. Although they're completely wrong, rude and uneducated.


If you decide to date or marry a Peruvian, be aware that you will probably fight over cultural things. However, if you really love each other and are getting married for the correct reasons and not for visas (it can work both ways, foreigners have been known to marry Peruvians for visas) then things will work out. You can create a family that will learn about different cultures and customs so that when your children grow up, they will be more sensitive to issues such as these.


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